When you're gone
by lonelystrayy
Summary: She's gone. Hawkmoth took her away.


She was gone.

He sat there on his knees, numbly in front of her fallen figure, his hands lifelessly on his sides, mouth wide open. He could faintly hear his father- no Hawkmoth mumbing something but he just couldn't listen. His brain was too occupied but also empty at the same moment.

The more he stared, the more he wanted to do nothing more than to smash that monster's head in the wall, give him a death he won't ever forget even when he's reincarnated. But he just couldn't bring himself to. He just sat their, numb.

She has lost her life. At that moment, it felt like he has lost his own too.

At some point, Hawkmoth took seat next to him, staring at the fallen figure of the superheroine. Suddenly a blinding light flashed around her, a small pink kwami spiralled down and landed on her stomach with a _muffph_ then crawled to her chest, pressing her small ear to her heart. Feeling no rise or fall, the kwami just clutched the white shirt slowly turning red and cried her eyes out.

When Chat Noir finally saw the face he's been trying to see for years, he laughed. Laughed aloud, humorlessly. The girl he always secretly hoped was his bug. There she lied, her face paler than the moon, her eyes once held the bluness of the oceans, now so dull. Her small mouth he stole kisses from now agape, pinkness of those lips long gone. He then chocked on his tears.

Seeing her face made his realise that _she is gone_. The implications of his words came when he screamed, wailed, cried but she didn't wake up to comfort him, didn't wake up to wipe his tears away, give him refuge in her arms like she always does, mummer soothing words, sometimes even sang that ridiculous 'soft kitty' to comfort him.

His father Hawkmoth placed his hand on his shoulder at a point and he couldn't help but flinch back. He couldn't help but give that man the most disgusting look he could muster.

Hawkmoth apologised for his deeds, promised him to be a better man but can he ever be?

A man whom he loved despite his flaws, a man he promised no matter hard, he would never give up on, a man for whom he even shot down Nino because he believed there was something good in him, a man he fought Ladybug for. He had to Hawkmoth, no?

But when he saw his fallen expression, he _wanted_ to forgive him. But he had no forgiveness left in him. The moment he stabbed Ladybug with his cane, every ounce of sympathy, every positivity, every ounce of love, everything left his body.

There was nothing but hatered he could feel towards the man he called his 'father.'

When police arrested him, Adrien did not give any statement whatsoever. He refused to. What could he say? The monster tormenting Paris for years was his own father? This thought alone was enough to make him sob madly, and the fact that that monster also killed his love was sending him frenzy.

Next few days were a blur to him. One moment he was flirting with this Baker's daughter named Marinette Dupain-Cheng and now he was attending her funeral. That eulogy he somehow wrote, he couldn't speak a word of it. He just chocked down in front of everyone, wailied like crazy in front of the coffin his princess was, calling her to rise up just once again, just once. Stand up and say it was all a joke, embrace him again, love him again. But she didn't.

She just laid their, lifeless, waiting to buried under the soft soil of the earth.

When he finally calmed down, he was in a warm embrace of Sabine Cheng, mother of the brave superheroine, now his mother too.

When the mourning was done, Sabine and Tom didn't waste a day before offically adopting Adrien, making him Adrien Dupain-Cheng from Adrien Agreste. He was given the pink room once owned by that beautiful woman who was now gone. When he was arranging it, he came across a pink diary she wrote all her secrets in. Tikki gave him the key with a small sad smile, telling him how mad she would've been if she was here.

Sadly she wasn't.

Adrien could barely read the first few pages before dissolving into a puddle of tears again.

Everything, everything in that room was a painful reminder how he's lost her. How he failed to protect her. A painful reminder that _**she was gone**._ That she was no longer here. She would no longer coming back. When he will jump in through that skylight, she would no longer be waiting for him with cookies and milk. She would no longer be chasing him across the Paris using her magical yo-yo.

She is gone, _forever._

He didn't let Sabine change his bedsheets for whole two months, didn't let her wash the towels, clean the closet because he just couldn't let that smell also being taken as abruptly as she was from him. When the smell started to fade, he would transform as Chat just to smell her better. It was the only comfort for him in those long lonely nights.

Tikki told him that she was always uncertain that this war will end without lives being taken. She told him how she used to say it's better if she lost her life than anyone innocent, especially her kitty. She told him how when he stumbled in with that big gash, she vowed she will protect him, even if that means she will give her own life.

It was all supposed to be comforting, but sadly it threw him into a new crying fit.

He was so lost, so disturbed mentally that he didn't think twice before trying to take his own life. In fact, when he woke up with his arm covered in bandages, he was determined to try again, this time maybe jumping so no one can help him. It was words and pleads from his parents which stopped him. Their words, how they called him his family, his son, how they said they cannot lose another child too, it made him stop.

It made him better.

Better than before.

Better than he has ever been.

When he looked around he realised that maybe not romantically, maybe not by his own parents, he wasloved. He had his friends, his new parents, his two kwamis.

Maybe he _can_ survive a little longer?

 _ **Comment how you felt reading this. ^-^**_

 _ **Thank you, reader. 3**_


End file.
